Lie, lay, lain, laid, lied

Beset for years by the popular destruction of English grammar (“lie and lay” being the bete noire) and dumbfounded by the sorry saga of John Edwards’ scandalous behavior, I wrote this little poem that speaks from my quirky wordplay side. I am not sure which is less susceptible to improvement — our grammar or our public morals — but it’s always worth a try.

Lie, lay, lain, laid, lied
For grammarians and scandalizers

He lies who says he never lies
where faithful men have never lain,
For he laid down his flowery words
when she lay down in conjugation’s loss.
Now, woman, lie in loss,
lay up some dreams for compensation.
Think not he lied to you,
for he has never lied to those with whom he’s lain.
Or did he lie when she was laid?